Viewing One Post | View All
I don't feel good
Idon't feel well.
I cannot remember a day where I felt GOOD. I constantly feel sick, extremely fatigued, and have little to no energy. I have always suffered from bad migraines, serious digestive issues, awful skin issues... the works.. I never feel good. It's such a minute-to-minute battle honestly, and there have been numerous times in my life, I have felt 'crazy' for ALWAYS feeling so sick. I rarely discuss how I'm feeling with others because at what point will others stop believing you when you're always feeling sick??!
I think this is ONE of the reasons I hate the question... How are you!?!? Because I ALWAYS want to say... Actually, I'm not feeling well.
Over the course of my life, I've had numerous tests... from brain scans, to stomach procedures... etc and never any answers.
I've had doctors tell me that I was depressed even when I told them I felt HAPPY... but I just felt SICK.
My chest often feels heavy and tight like I'm having a heart attack.
I am constantly 'sick'.
I have NO energy.
I am tired upon waking up.
Medicines make me feel WORSE.
NOTHING HAS EVER HELPED.
For the past year and a half, I have not voluntarily eaten dairy. I began tracking my foods and found that by not eating dairy, I felt slightly better. And although it was only a slight improvement, it was better than NOTHING.
I didn't sleep last night.
I woke up in a panic every few minutes thinking that I was going to die.
Because just a few days prior, I actually thought that I was.
That particular night I thought to myself... 'I should tell my family I love them...' - It felt like I was having a heart attack, I lost feeling in my left arm.... Every thing that I laid my eyes on in the room was spinning at a speed faster than I drive. My chest was tight and I continued to say the Lord's prayer over and over again.
I truly thought that was going to be my last night with my family.
I called the DR the next morning and we agreed I would never take that medicine again... a medicine that was prescribed to me for serious vertigo symptoms I've been dealing with for six weeks.... A constant dizzy and room spinning sensation with periods of bad episodes of vertigo and moments where I've almost fallen (and have fallen).... I've had intermittent hearing loss among some other awful symptoms.
I've since had a series of tests scheduled - to include three days of allergy injection testing.
Yesterday I finished up my final day of injection testing and I sat in the doctor's office and I cried.... And at that point I had no idea of the overwhelm that would soon fall over me in the hours to come.
I've accepted (and had predicted) that I am allergic to almost everything in life... the nurse even joked that I was allergic to myself, but sadly she wasn't completely joking. Out of 52 needle injections, I am allergic to 48 allergens. I can accept that..... it explains a lot of my issues.
But yesterday's food testing is what really has left me speechless. Honestly, I've been extremely overwhelmed by the results.
I have sobbed.
So the results..... I am not allergic to protein in dairy. Which is wonderful.... and what I've thought for over a year now....
Except. Now I wish I was actually allergic to dairy. (in a weird and twisted way)
Because.... The alternative. The reality.
Is worse. It's harder.
Not only am I severely allergic to pork (which I can be totally fine with).... I am severely allergic to corn.
You guys, I am crying. Ironically, corn happens to be my FAVORITE vegetable..... and that's why I initially sat in the doctor's office and cried, I told the nurse, she was stealing my corn on the cob... my favorite vegetable.... I was innocently upset.
But what I failed to realize... is that corn is literally in EVERYTHING.
Everything from PAINT - toothpaste - ICE CREAM (lots of dairy products) -- to MEDICINE..... literally everything.
Yes... medicine. The medicine that was prescribed to me was full of CORN - and the night that I thought I was going to die. I actually almost did. I was having an allergic reaction to the medicine, and I had NO idea. I cry because I'm so grateful I'm still here knowing how serious things were that night.
This is why medicines have always made me feel WORSE - because they're mostly ALL made with corn or a corn derivative.
Everything that I have been putting in my body my entire life - with the exception of fresh fruits/vegetables and chicken/beef... I've been SEVERLY allergic to.
I am crying.... Again.
So in addition to my severe allergy with pork and corn - I am also highly allergic (one step down from severely allergic) to yeasts.... So anytime I eat a sleeve of Oreos... or sugars/breads/pastas (MAC N CHEESE) and FRUITS --- My body is attacking itself. It was never the dairy protein that I was allergic to... it was the sugars/yeasts in the dairy products (and corn).
I'm overwhelmed because I'm recollecting all of the times I literally felt like I was dying because I felt so sick..... and now I know why.... All of the medicine I've taken that made me feel SO SO terrible when it was supposed to do the opposite.
I'm overwhelmed because I truly have no medicine I can take right now for my headaches or if I were to start having an allergic reaction.... I truly have NO IDEA what I can eat - the ONLY thing we have in this house that I can eat right now is chicken/beef/eggs. I don't even know where to begin and google hasn't been AS helpful as I had hoped... as a severe corn allergy is rare.
I'm overwhelmed because this means that once I can figure out what I CAN eat... that means there's going to come a day where I'm going to wake up feeling rested... I'm going to have energy - food is going to do what it's intended to do.... I'm going to wake up one day feeling 'normal' and 'good'.
I literally still cannot completely understand this - I'm so overwhelmed... and a dairy allergy looks SO good right about now you guys. Like if we have to be allergic to something, why can't we choose what it is?! Ha
Corn and pork are not one of the top allergens.... Food companies do not have to list them in the ingredients. Corn is literally in EVERYTHING - even household products. I'm really anxious about it all - pork seems like it will be easy to steer away from, it's never been my favorite anyway..... but I'm scared of feeling so sick again or worse.... I'm scared that one day I'm going to accidentally get too much at one time.....
I am scared.... And that's okay - because at least I see a light now.... I'm getting answers....
Maybe a few months from now when you ask me how I'm feeling... I can finally tell you the truth.