ast night I grabbed Chase by the face and squeezed really hard.. probably uncomfortably hard... sometimes I just get into what I call 'squeezy moods' -- where I just want to squeeze the crap out of something cute... this time it happened to be his face.... I planted a big smooch on his mouth and told him. 
 
I appreciate you. 
 
And then I walked away. 
 
------------------ 
 
I didn't do that in an attempt to feed my own ego... in the hopes that he would respond - Oh Sharon.. no, I appreciate you.. Thank YOU. I love YOU. 
 
No... I just did it to let him know how much I appreciate him. 
 
I feel like I don't say thank you enough to him. 
 
Something I said yesterday to a friend.. has stuck with me.. it's been something that I've been feeling on the inside for quite some time now... but I've never actually said it aloud.  
 
It hurts me that Chase and I are chastised for having a good marriage. 
 
It hurts me... it truly does. 
 
Hell... It even makes me feel 'bad' at times.  
 
We don't have a good marriage because it comes easy. It's not something that just landed in our laps one day and everything was happily ever after. 
 
We don't have a 'perfect' marriage. 
 
But we DO have a good marriage..... And it's because we work REALLY hard at it. 
 
We've had our shares of heartache... trying times...  
 
And 
 
it can be SO easy to go to bed without kissing each other... and the more you do it - the easier it gets..  
 
I mean that metaphorically..  
 
It's EASY to stay mad at each other.... to be selfish... to not talk to each other.... and the more you do it -- the easier it gets to just keep doing it.. 
 
And...  
 
The harder it is... to get it back. 
 
I've been in bad relationships... in extremely unhealthy relationships... physically abusive relationships.... so I'm not saying any of this from a 'I've always had perfect relationships' perspective.... Evaluate your situation -- if you need to get out of an abusive relationship.. please do... Pray for your partner... keep yourself safe... Love them from a distance. 
 
So please understand that when I say 'work on your marriage' -- I also mean "your safety is very important and none of what I'm saying applies to you unless your partner is willing to seek God and counseling... and you feel led to stay in your marriage and you feel SAFE.." 
 
----- 
 
We are called to love one another. 
 
We are called to be gracious with one another.  
 
I think that's one of the BIGGEST things missing from marriages these days. 
 
Grace. 
 
We harbor so many past hurts towards each other -- and instead of letting them go and extending grace to each other... we continue punishing each other. 
 
There's no reason for that.  
 
God doesn't punish us over and over again... He is gracious with us. 
 
That's how we're supposed to be with each other.. especially our husband and wife.  
 
The other thing that I think marriages are missing. 
 
Communication... 
 
We must learn to communicate with our spouses in a way that makes THEM feel loved and heard. We could say that we are showing them love, but if they aren't FEELING that love -- then we're not serving them. 
 
Chase knows that the way I feel loved is by having him here with me... just being present... and intentional.  
 
I don't need gifts.. and I don't need the house cleaned. 
 
I just need him. 
 
And I know that Chase feels loved with physical attention and hearing me say how much I love and appreciate him. 
 
Our partners may not feel loved the same way that we do... we need to start loving our spouses in a way in which they feel loved. 
 
We need to 'talk' in ways that they feel loved. 
 
Otherwise - we're just going to spend every day feeling unloved and unappreciated. 
 
And as each day passes by.. it gets easier to continue building the wall that says... 'I'm mad at him... She doesn't really love me... He's intentionally hurting me... She doesn't care about me" 
 
When really.... you both love each other SO DAMN MUCH. 
 
Be intentional about the way you love on your spouse. 
 
Make a list of all of the things that s/he does that make you feel special... from the tiny things... to the big things. 
 
Be grateful. Be intentional. Be selfless.  
 
Work your ass off to have a good marriage. 
 
it won't come easy.... but it'll be worth it.