hase and I have a pretty good relationship -- people always joke about how we're perfect... and if something ever happened with us that the world must be ending...  
 
That fills my heart... and it also makes me laugh... 
 
It hasn't been 'easy' for us... and we're certainly not perfect...  
 
We've actually had a pretty rough road...  
 
Most people don't know this -- but our first year together... we actually 'broke up'.. .with no intention on getting back together -- for no other reason than I felt like God wanted us to break up... It was VERY difficult.. because I felt like I had found the one... we had a great relationship -- it made no sense to me why I felt like we were supposed to break up... but we did...  
 
A week after we broke up -- I tried desperately to get back with him....  
 
I wasn't trusting in God's plan 
 
But -- as God would have it.. it didn't work out... Chase wasn't ready. 
 
A month later... after all of my hope had disappeared... Chase contacted me and said he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he was ready to hang out.... Sept 27th - was the day... 2009... we decided to meet up and go to the movies.. 
 
He said the month we weren't together -- he felt led to pray every single day... 
 
Chase has always believed in God... but I think we all know that believing in God and having an 'active relationship' is completely different. 
 
September 27 2009.... my world was complete again.... but things weren't the same.. 
 
They were better. 
 
How?!?! I have no idea - because like I said -- we had an amazing relationship to begin with.. 
 
God had worked on BOTH of us that month... God reminded us to have Him at the center.. that things CAN be even better with Him. 
 
--- Fast forward.... most of you know the other struggles we've had.. with Chase's surgeries... and losing the baby... and we've had other big 'life' events take place that are never easy to navigate through..... 
 
I think the 'thing' that we have going for us... that makes us 'perfect' --- or so everyone believes... is our outlook on those big life events.... 
 
Even in our little arguments -- it's rare for us to get 'caught up' in them... we try REALLY hard to express the way we feel without losing it... 
 
I would say in the 6 years we've been together -- we've probably only lost it once with each other... and it lasted five minutes before we were apologizing. 
 
Our communication is great... I can admit to that.. but perfect.. no. 
 
And I say all of this to say the following... 
 
Again -- I felt like things were going great with us... I mean there are things I struggle with - like how much Chase works.. and how busy I am... both, I'm so grateful for... but most of the time I'd rather just be poor and have each other vs hardly spending time with one another.... and you know what God showed me....?? 
 
He showed me - that instead of being upset with Chase and asking him to be home more... He showed me that I need to serve HIM better... that I need to be more intentional with him...  
 
That I need to take the time we DO have together more seriously.... 
 
I have a tendency to look ahead and dread "it"... so if Chase has a day off tomorrow but has to work the following day -- I can't truly be in the moment on his day off because I'm dreading the following day not having him. 
 
I am a dreader... I dread things...  
 
I HATE that about myself.... and God has more than clearly pointed that out to me in the past few weeks. 
 
What do I have to dread?!?! 
 
He's made it clear to me that I need to really be PRESENT... be present in my relationship with Him and with Chase.... 
 
I need to love ON Chase more... instead of just loving him. 
 
And it's been really humbling...  
 
You know how you want someone else to change something..... and then God points His finger at you and says.. "Ha... change yourself first little lady..." 
 
That's what happened. 
 
Even in what is a 'good marriage'... there's still room for BETTER - especially when you are intentional and serving the other person.  
 
So for those of you who joke about us being perfect -- as much as I love you for that -- it's just so not true... we are always a work in progress, and things aren't always easy... and yes we do argue... we just try REALLY hard to communicate gently with one another and have the right kind of outlook on things....  
 
And... when you find that there's something you want to change in your relationship -- maybe you should try serving him/her more... 
 
Something magical has happened since I've been trying to serve Chase better... He's been taking off work more... We were able to spend last Friday AND Sunday together -- after Chase having worked almost 20 days straight...  
 
Marriage is more about giving.. than it is about taking... but I can assure you that when you give - you'll receive PLENTY